I am not a number, I am a free woman

This weekend, well Friday and I’m counting that as part of the weekend, started the first time back at indoor kickboxing. I realize now that while I thought I was doing great for the past few weeks I was doing rather well; great is how I feel again now… What a difference a nice jab, cross, hook, uppercut makes.

So I hopped on the scale this morning as I do every morning and it says I gained 3 lbs since yesterday morning. Yesterday I walked/ran 4 miles. Total steps – over 15K. Breakfast was naan bread and over easy egg topped with eggplant zaalouck. Lunch was rolled up turkey breast, jarlsberg light swiss cheese and a few pickle slices. I had a banana, some frozen grapes and some peanuts. Dinner was a stuffed pepper with 93% lean ground beef and I had a 1/2 cup ice cream.

Anyway my first response was WTAF – then I laughed. But it triggered the thoughts that had been floating in my brain since I read a post last week from someone who gained weight and how upset/disappointed they were with themselves…

I am not a number, I am a free woman.. sounds like a 60’s television show or lyrics to an Iron Maiden song – change woman to man and it is, both entitled “The Prisoner”.

For the most part.. that statement is true and I am not affected by the numbers… but… sometimes it is NOT. Sometimes I allow the number to mess with my head. I know there is no possible way I gained 3 lbs overnight, I know that I woke up feeling good and strong and fit. Technically I am currently considered “overweight” based on BMI charts because of this blip, and for a split second I “believed” it and almost let it frame my day.

During the week I logged over 20k steps 2 days in a row and both days I failed to hit the 10 out of 10 hours on my fitbit of 250 steps an hour. I seriously looked at the watch and started to be like ugh.. then I thought to myself, that is just ridiculous.,., 2 hours out of the 10 that are “monitored” were under 250, so I didn’t “move enough today?” How absurd!!!

Why are numbers so important? Why does the number of the scale hold that much control over us? Or our age – why do we dread each birthday? Why does the stupid myzone failing to rise as my heart is beating, and the sweat is pouring off of me and my breathing is deep and hard, make me nuts?

Sometimes numbers do not add up. We are not math problems, we are people. But if we were math problems, we would not be simple addition and subtraction, we would be algebraic equations, our own unique combination of numbers and symbols would provide the solution.

When I see a pop on the scale I am tempted to “quick fix”… What if I eat no carbs at all for 4 days, or instead of eating I drink protein shakes, or what if I fast and do not eat any food for 24 -36 hours – I know that will temporarily drop the number.. no disrespect if that works for you, but that is not part of my equation. Or not one that I want to factor in and make part of my lifestyle long term…

So I will eat my normal, mostly healthy diet, I will drink my water and exercise. I will have my cake and eat it too if I feel like it. I will continue to hop on the scale daily for data and not panic into something extreme because a number on the scale does not match how my body is currently looking, feeling and performing. For that would make me a prisoner, changing who I am in order to fit into a pre-conceived number.

Now I am off to be free, to live without the confines of chains, emotionally or physically. I am going to embrace the day and make the most of it. I am going to write my equation in the way I see fit that brings me great joy. I hope you are able to do the same. #choosejoy