Losing my balance

I don’t know about you by I am finding myself having to work extra hard to stay in the light, let alone spread it. I’ve been up since about 430am and there is no 545am kickboxing class… sooooo… Crazy how quickly it sneaks up on you.. I felt amazing on Tuesday after a few days of peace and prayer and quiet reflection… and now this morning I’m feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.. But I will not give in to the darkness. I started my day as I have been for a while now with the bible app and today’s Verse of the day is reinforcement for me to stay true to my beliefs, not get swallowed up in the anger and continue to come from a place of love, holding fast to my faith and hope. Hope in the biblical sense is not “wishing for something to happen” but rather “knowing it will happen”.

1 Corinthians 13:13 New International Version (NIV)
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Now I’m sitting here in my dining room, sipping my coffee as the clouds break and the sun is beaming through. I am reading the Serenity Prayer which hangs on my wall, a gift from my son and DIL (my son btw didn’t know it was the AA mantra, he just thought I would like it, which I do). Me, being me, looked up the origin of this phrase and it appears it lacks serenity as there is a dispute to who actually wrote it… Pretty ironic right? … and par for the course with how I feel currently in these crazy times.

I am off balance, information is flowing from so many sources on so many different things… it is exhausting “checking to see what is real and what is false” and not really feeling 100% certain that even those things that appear to be real actually are because – can you trust the “source”?

It is quite evident that anything anyone says or does will alienate someone, and while this has always been the case… now the intensity level is through the roof and logic seems to have escaped through the huge gaping hole it has created…

It is all so confusing – the rules keep changing… just when you think you’ve found a direction to head that might do some good, someone or something throws up a road block and stops you dead in your tracks, questioning the value of your efforts. I feel like I am walking a tightrope without a net. One false step in either direction and I will find myself tumbling through the air, headed to the ground, spiraling out of control until that final thud.

There are many things I do not know right now, but what I do know for sure is that ugly is currently in the lead. More time is being devoted to insult and anger and we are feeding into the hype. I fear that no one can withstand these conditions without emerging somewhat jaded and defeated. If ugly wins this race, we all lose! But some say you need to feel the hurt before the healing begins, and for sure the whole world is hurting… let the healing begin.

How you ask? I don’t know, maybe instead of making assumptions about what people think or who they are, we ask them and really listen to the answer. May your day be blessed with peace and understanding.