I never learned to crawl

I have a new grandson, he just turned 4 months old the other day. He is amazing in every way and my life has been full with new feelings of love and joy that expand beyond anything I’ve ever felt in my life.

We went to visit him last week and I took my parents. He was trying to talk to us and he is so animated.. soon the talking and crawling will begin.. Pop reminded us all, as he likes to do, that I started talking at 8 months and walking at 9 months.. I never crawled, I just went straight to walking.

My life has been rather fast paced. I have 2 speeds, fast and faster.. or at least I did… during the past 6 months of quarantine I have slowed down significantly, as has everyone else in the world.

I was one of those people constantly on the go, extremely active physically, kickboxing, running, hiking. I was in choir, in charge of the youth group, I bowled. I was out several nights a week attending concerts, sporting events, dinners, you name it; I was constantly on the move. Sitting still was not something I did often or well. I had friends from the various activities, some intersected, some did not. I used to refer to it as my Olympic circle. I was also an organizer, so I was put in charge often of getting people together for various events. Interestingly enough though, if I didn’t set it up, I was often not included… I am not feeling sorry for myself, just being honest. One time I had a conversation with a friend about this fact and they said – I think people assume you are busy…perhaps.

When we were first confined to our homes, it took some work to find my happy place…but I have arrived. I am content and filled with joy. I have spent a lot of time with my immediate family and few other people. Hubby and I have spent time alone, just being still, quieting our minds and breathing in nature. Moments of complete peace were achieved in all this madness. This weekend in NJ marked partial indoor dining and more and more people are starting to get together again on a larger scale.

I don’t know what will happen when things start to resume. But I no longer have this need to “fill space” so I may be less inclined to organize everyone else, which means, I may no longer fill my Olympic circle again and may reside permanently in my semi-circle which is beautifully formed.

I am giving it up to God, people will come in and out of my life and will engage or not engage. I have spent a lot of time on my knees literally and figuratively these last few months in prayer, meditation, self reflection and personal growth.. I am learning to crawl along side my grandson and am complete and whole in a way I don’t think I have ever been in my, what I had considered, a well-adjusted, well lived life.

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