I am in a really great place physically, emotionally, spiritually. I feel happy. Yup I said it, in these crazy trying times where everyone is so focused on the negatives of what is happening around us, which I am not down playing in the least, I am filled with hope and joy. Even though my husband is out of work, and my hours are the equivalent of one day a week, and our financial future is at risk, I am thankful for what I do have and that is my faith, my family and a sense of overwhelming peace.
A few years back at New Year’s someone, somewhere in one of my weight/healthy living pages, perhaps in my #dailyjournalchallenge group or maybe on #connect tasked us with finding our word for the year and I chose “content” and that was my quest. I thought that I had done really well, but in hindsight, I really hadn’t. You see even though I was appreciative of all things I had and did not feel disappointment for things I had not, I was still very restless. I still had that need to “fill the space”
I thought I needed that perpetual motion, I felt like I had to be going and striving and making things happen. Yes I did take some time to slow it down, however, I lacked the ability to be 100% present in the moment always. Like sometimes I was silent sort of, there was still a little voice in my head trying to be heard instead of only listening with my heart.
As we muddle together through these trying times, hopeful that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so many people are broken and fearful and sad. Yet I am truly at one of the most calm and peaceful stages of my life. Life you see forced me to slow down, I was made to sit still, there was no replacing it with something fast and shiny. It was just me alone with my thoughts and my faith for hours on end at times. After resisting at first, I gradually found a way to not only survive what was happening but to actually thrive. I am the first to admit that the birth of my grandson, Ryder, was a huge help in pointing my heart in the right direction sooner rather than later, but I have arrived.
I’ve lived a rather thankful existence for a good portion of my life, but I always put my expectations on what was happening for myself and as well as the actions of others. These past few months I have gradually given up my barometer and it has been truly freeing.
It’s funny if people share joy and happiness on social media, other people sit back and say to themselves (and other in their little memes) there is no way someone can be that happy. That they are putting on a show for the world to see, but the truth is, to be that happy you need to be able to not care what the “world” thinks. So I can understand why they don’t get it, because they are still wrapped up in their own expectations and using their own compass for finding their way. Do I have things that make me frustrated? Do I worry sometimes what will happen if? Do I get angry when things go wrong? Yes, of course I do, but those moments are fleeting. I choose joy, I work for my joy, I embrace my joy and I am not ashamed to say it out loud.
Today’s verse Psalm 9:1-2 really jarred something loose. I have hinted at my happiness, I have shared tidbits of my joy, I have tried to shine my light, but for concern for others in their hour of sadness, I have not shouted it out, I have not sung it.. But the truth is sadness finds sadness, sorrow finds sorry, hope finds hope, joy finds joy and love finds love. So I will sing of my joy and if you know me, when I sing, I have two volumes, loud and even louder!
I am swimming in happiness and joy, I am content, truly content, I am thankful for all the tiny moments in my life and the stillness that has helped me get here., not just today or tomorrow, but every day..
Wishing you all a joyful, hopeful day. May you find that glimmer of love and light and let it consume you. Thanksgiving is not a day, it is a way of life.