I haven’t written much lately, well actually that isn’t true. I’ve written a lot lately, in fact I write every single day, but I haven’t shared much here lately. I have multiple drafts started that sit unfinished and if I am being honest I feared they were “too happy” or “too critical”.
2020 has certainly been a challenge to put it mildly. We have been facing things that we never would have imagined to be possible and our way of life has been altered significantly perhaps forever. But that being said, I have spent the better part of this year happy, content, feeling loved and secure.
Ironically, my daughter in law posted something on her FB page this morning expressing similar sentiment about feeling so happy when so many were suffering. Her words were exactly the feelings I have been wrestling with for months now. I am blissful in a sea of despair. I have found true peace and a sense of calm amid this storm. The birth of my grandson has brought so much happiness and joy many times I found myself oblivious to the world around me.. nothing and no one else existed.
Yes both my husband and I are surviving on unemployment and our life savings, yes we have been unable to do many physical, in person, things with other people. Due to a recent Covid exposure scare, we celebrated our grandson’s first Christmas through a glass door. It ripped open my heart and I cried, oh how I cried. And momentarily I decided Christmas sucked and I was prepared to sleep through the day, but I had a choice to make wallow in sadness or cherish this precious moment, one that will forever be an important part of our life’s history together… I chose joy! Christmas day is not about getting together with family, well that is part of it, but as a Catholic/Christian it is about the birth of Jesus Christ. It is about hope and light. That must not be overlooked because I didn’t get to celebrate the way I had planned.
We are lucky in that we have not lost a loved one due to this virus, however we do have friends who have. My heart aches for those lost and I wish I had words of comfort and the ability to make their pain go away. All I can do is lend an ear, say a prayer and let them know I care about their grief.
I am not going to pretend that 2020 didn’t have some really awful moments and I realize that we all had to find our way on a new journey without a map. But I am also not moving onto 2021 with any sort of bitter taste in my mouth.
We have a long way to go to and things will more than likely get worse before they get better.. the calendar change will not miraculously fix things, but I will hold fast to hope and I will do whatever is in my power to create a joyful existence. Yes, we have been given the bullet points of our future, but I fully intend to get creative, fill it in and develop a beautiful story with special memories. So I bid adieu to 2020, no hard feelings but I am hopeful for a much better 2021 for everyone.
Happy New Year!
Wherever My Heart Lead Me 