Last evening I got an email that I had a new follower on my blog, it made me smile, but I thought it was odd. I haven’t posted anything in 6 weeks, I hadn’t even thought about it for weeks but early yesterday I found myself here staring at a blank page, reading through some old stuff knowing there was something I wanted to say, just not sure what it was.
I tend to blog from a good place, lyrics and poetry is more where I reside when I am in a not so great place. I can’t really say bad place, because I very seldom venture there, life has been amazingly kind to me.
The snow the past few days, tons or so it seems, has given me a bit of a confined feeling that I haven’t felt since early on in this pandemic world. I start each day the same way with prayer and and quiet reflection, then I usually look at pictures and videos of my grandson to bring a smile to my face and from there I have my routine of working out, multiple times a days many days, kickboxing, treadmill walking/running, hiking when the weather permits, oh and I do Yoga now – go figure, me little miss must be moving always, loves the discipline of holding a pose, and working (a few hours week at least) and painting and writing, spending time with my grandson when possible and perusing social media way too much. 18 hours is a lot of time to fill with productive activities day in and day out. At the moment I am wrestling with some feelings of disgust and annoyance. I am a positive person by nature, I look for the good always because I know it is there, but lately it has been buried deep within the souls of so many people.. just like the 3 – 4 snow drifts that are blocking my view, I’m having difficulty seeing the beyond the ugly, quite frankly, I am over the bad behavior..
I was having these feelings last night, and sat down to write but I was very angry so I decided to sleep on it.. then I get a random text from an acquaintance that my gut told me not to respond to, but no, not me, I have some empathy and try to lend an ear only to get accosted for my failure to help out and fix an issue which has nothing to do with me, nor do I have any influence over the situation. Recognizing the pain and the alcohol that was involved with the dialogue, I resisted my urge to respond in the same hurtful, nasty way, and instead set my boundaries, told them to go to bed and return with an apology or go away and never contact me again. Needless to say I tossed and turned all night… I am cranky and my head aches.. and I am annoyed that I let myself get sucked into the drama. (Long yoga session today for sure).
My FB page is set so that 90% of what I see is babies, nature, love songs, and puppies…well you get my drift. But every so often I get blindsided from somewhere with something that makes me just want to scream grow up… I am sick of you all, well not all of you, but so many of you I have lost count. I could go on a rant, I could say mean things too. I have such a quick mind and thoughts show up and oh they are sometimes so cutting they take my own breath away.. but I do not use them against others. Believe me I am not perfect, ask my husband ❣ I can be fresh especially when I am overtired or if I’ve been pushed too far. But more times than not, I take the high road, I think before I respond or I do not waste my time with a response. But do not mistake my silence for acceptance, silence means I am done. People there is a LOT of room on the high road, I’m sick and tired of driving along for miles without passing another car. But hey feel free to stay where you are if that is your will, but know our journeys will not intersect for I am not willing to head your way.