Re-connecting

To obsess about something means to preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent… I don’t obsess, but I do analyze examine methodically and in detail the constitution or structure of (something, especially information), typically for purposes of explanation and interpretation. This saves me from obsession.

This morning a recurring theme kept running through my brain.. online friends.. I got to thinking about the last year or so of my life and the extraordinary circumstances we all faced. I was examining the things I did to keep “sane” to fill my life with joy, to find ways to stay active and to feel useful. I thought about the people who stayed “in my life” and were a source of joy and comfort during this time… of course my family and my precious grandson Ryder born exactly 15 months ago today… and my internet friends. People who I only know through online forums and people I have now met in real life who I came across originally online. They were a constant source of interaction, they checked in on me and let me know what I meant to them and that I had been on their mind. They invited me to adventures and into their circle of trust and friendship.

They say it is hard to make friends as you grow older. I say that is nonsense. They say that you can’t have relationships as deep with someone you just met as with someone you have a long history with. I call bull, there are a handful of people I met online who I have connected with on such a deep level spiritually and emotionally that although I have not known them for 30 years, you would think I had if you saw us together.

I opened an app and two of those amazing friends had “tagged” me to let me know how important I am in their life and their journey to happiness and good health. Right when I needed to hear those words, or read those words, except I could hear their voices as I read them…not mine.

As we slowly make our way back out into the real world I think many of us will find ourselves both excluded from places and circles we once were part of as well as included in places and circles we haven’t been before.

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Staying connected takes work, it is an effort that must be made by both sides or the chain grows weary and the links pull apart and you are left with memories of the good old days.

Some of my online groups are ending, one just yesterday, a choice that was mine and another friend’s to make, another later this month, big corporate, out of my control… perhaps I am mourning these losses and in my mourning I am realizing that this has quite possibly been happening in real life while I looked away.

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I know I am not alone in this. So if you find yourself disconnected from people who were important to you, who still are important to you…don’t wait to be asked, you do the asking, don’t wait to be invited, you do the inviting… those who want to be there will come, those who do not have moved on and that is ok. You have the memories to hold onto as you wish them well and know that some day your paths may cross again and you will smile when you see them.

As I walked and zoomed this morning, I faced the possible demise of another online friendship, support system I have a deep connection with. I was feeling melancholy and God just started to send me signs that everything is going to be ok. The hearts were everywhere… the clouds in the sky, the tiny piece of broken egg shell on the sidewalk of a path I do not normally follow, the stone hearts firmly implanted on the path I take all the time, the tiny piece of paper on the floor of my living room. There is love and according to Carrie Underwood on a song I heard this morning for the very first time as I was working through these thoughts, Love Wins!

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