It’s the last day of February and I haven’t posted a blog all month. I have multiple drafts of different thoughts sitting here unpublished.. why – because someone said “you should”…
Those words tend take the joy out of things for me. When I hear them I tend to pull back rather than push forward. I live my life doing things for the joy they bring to me, and hopefully in turn my joy ripples to those around me so they can feed off it and find their own.
When I am enthralled with painting I let the picture flow from my heart to my mind to my hand to the medium and it is easy and honest. The moment someone said, you should sell your work, it became tentative and restrained. I did it for a little while, but now I have found myself not painting at all, and I miss it.
Everyday I write, every single day. I share my thoughts with my healthy lifestyle groups without concern about judgement or acknowledgement or acceptance. It is not about popularity or gaining a following or making money, I share my daily life, my hopes, my dreams, my joy, my sadness openly because it is my process to understand and know my true self. I do it for me, and my happiness, but if someone else feels a connection or learns from it, that is an added bonus. Hearing “you should” write a blog, you have so much to say, temporarily created a box around my thoughts that does not exist when I am just expelling my thoughts into the universe.
I am pondering the “you should” box I find myself trapped in. What is really going on? Why am I allowing those words to change the experience I am living into something else? I am generally unaffected by others opinions.
We all have our own insecurities, some greater than others. Even those who seem the most confident and self assured do wrestle with moments of can I? My own expectations don’t intimidate me or do they? Every so often I wonder if the “you should” is something I want but am fearful of not getting, or if I truly do not care about the monetary reward or popularity factor.
What I do know for certain is, if I allow the “you should” to take the joy out of something I love, I am losing something precious. And that is something I definitely should not do.