Almost Invisible

At some point in our lives each and every one of us has felt somewhat invisible. Sometimes we choose that for ourselves, sometimes others can make us feel as if we are.

Covid obscured most of us. We were isolated. Relationships tested. Some survived, others faded away. I realized something about myself and my relationships; there were some that were lopsided. I did all/most of the initiating to be included. There were some that were a nice balance, we reached out both ways, almost equally, and there were a few where I was not as engaged as I could have been, should have been. I also realized I had miscalculated my actual emotional attachment and connection in some instances.

A long time friend passed away unexpectedly last week and I was gutted. I was a bit confused, as this was a relationship that I had gaged as casual friendship based on time in each other’s presence rather than quality of time spent together. But looking back on our conversations, they were honest, sometimes raw, they were real. We were emotionally invested. That was friendship.

Also last week I had the privilege of spending 3 nights with my #hikingfamily.

Thursday night our almost weekly spring/summer sunset adventure.. sunset was ok, but the moon rise.. now that was a sight to behold. The energy and pull of the moon was strong this week.. the feeling not lost on any of us..

Friday night, a bunch of us went out on a kayak adventure by Liberty State Park. I am pretty impressed with my abilities.. it’s been over 30 years since I’ve last paddled.. It was a glorious night. The moon hung in the sky over the skyline.. completely different yet the same as the night before.. Laughter and a little bit of fear as the waves came and rocked us back and forth when boats came through the channel. An unexpected fireworks display brought added excitement and joy to the experience, then we capped it off with a cocktail and some food..

Saturday night, was a surprise party for the leader of our hiking group.. perhaps less leader and more den mother.. she is a beautiful soul who has the ability and insight to piece together this patchwork of friends who make up the most beautiful quilt.

We sat together under the completely full moon, hearts were opened and shared and intimacies created in an honest and spontaneous way that left even this “steady girl” weak in the knees… A feeling of relief that I was in search of all week and didn’t even know I needed washed over me.

I am overwhelmed and grateful for the turn of events that have occurred in my life since Covid hit.. relationships have evolved and repositioned themselves in my life and my heart.. and this group has climbed and scrambled the way to the top of my list.

Even some stars in the universe can appear invisible when they are burning their brightest. You are a star. Those who are looking for you, will see you and you will see them even when the sky is clouded over and the view is dim.