In a perfect world there would be no fighting. Everyone would be nice to one another and there would be no drama. Everyone would instantly like everyone.. Sadly there is no chance of that ever happening, ever… I feel mostly due to an individuals lack of self love and insecurity (sometimes masked as narcissism).
The truth of the matter is we don’t all need to be friends. Some personalities don’t mix and that’s OK. What is not ok is lashing out because you feel you don’t belong or haven’t been invited. Or making cruel and disrespectful comments due to a difference of opinion. Or pretending to like someone then treating them poorly. Just be kind or be silent.
True joy can be found and friendships and bonds can be created when we find our tribe. However, it’s a delicate balance between creating your tribe and forming a clique.
So how do we tell the difference? Here’s my criteria, feel free to create your own…
Let’s get clique out of the way…these are the girls (and sadly grown women) who come together and the dynamic is constantly changing of who is in charge. They tend to talk about whatever “friend” is not present. They purposely exclude certain friends from various activities while trying to hide such activities. When discovered they double talk and babble some lame excuse for not including their friend. They congratulate you to your face while secretly(or so they think) resenting your achievements. They are jealous when they are not the center of attention and draw attention to themselves. They are unhappy people.
Now your tribe that is the group of people you connect with on multiple levels. No one is in charge. You share serious, silly and sorrow filled moments. You fit well together and there is no jealousy when friends within the tribe get together without you. You understand you go where it works when it works and there is no hiding. Your tribe can include people you have never met in person but feel comfortable sharing your hopes and dreams. You have each other’s backs and cheer like crazy and share in each others victories with pride and admiration. You feel safe in or out of each other’s presence. They are happy people.
I have a few circles of friends that create my tribe. Not all of them know each other. This circle has been created with purpose and intention based on common interests and like hearts. Some of my tribe have connected and become friends through their friendships with me. And for those of my friends who have never met, I know they would fit together like missing puzzle pieces.
To the cliques I will smile and say hey and go about my day…
To my tribe I will ask what’s going on? I want to come or have fun. Wish I could be there. Or say let’s get together and then make it happen.
So are you in a clique or a tribe?
While we all can’t be friends we should be mature enough to coexist peacefully. Namaste.
3 thoughts on “Why can’t we all be friends?”
Not in a clique nor a tribe…
I have a lot of acquaintances a few I know better than others. Most, maybe all, have a primary interest that is interesting to me but I am not avidly interested like they are. And, they all seem to already have all the tribe worthy friends they want… so to speak their dance card is full and I will remain an acquaintance only.
So, I remind myself to be grateful that I like myself well enough that I don’t mind being alone with me. AND, to reach out to the friends that have moved away to be closer to family as their ‘candle is burning down’. I have not lost anyone to covid.. but I have lost too many friends in the last few years.. word to the wise… since you can do this…make new friends, younger friends, and then even younger friends. It will help fill the gaps when your contemporaries start disappearing (from this side of the sod or your corner of the world). I guess my tribe has always been folks older than myself by 10 or more years… I was their “younger” friend. Healthy independent 90+ year olds are becoming a rare phenomenon indeed.
I hear you on the violence of people to people.. not just people they know but to total strangers who are in the wrong place at the wrong time. They truly do exemplify, in my mind, the definition of a true coward.
AND then I wonder…. Are people truly more violent than say 100 years ago? or even 50?
OR is the percentage of violent acts the same?
and only occurs more times because of the increase in total population?
I guess I am think of the statistic that air travel is safer than highway travel …. Although so many more die in a single air plane crash… more people die from highway crashes.
I read a statistic that those saying they believe in God has dropped I think it was 20% from like 15 years ago..
and love, hate, tolerance are learned behaviors…
who is failing to teaching those under 45 the behaviors that are conducive for people to co-exist?
it seems that people of faith (whether they attend a church or not) are quickly becoming a minority
Oh, my… I apologize for my extended chat.. or was it a rant… I probably should delete all but the first line.. but then you would not have a clue to how much thinking your post initiated and where those thoughts took me..
BUT with all of this to read… you will know I read your post.. and it triggered some thoughts and in closing I should also say.. I have never been in a clique (at least not that I know of) and quite possibly the only tribe I was ever in was SparkPeople.. and I am not really sure if that group would qualify..
Hope all is well with you and your family and all your friends, too!
Thank you for being you. Teresa
Would the world be wonderful if we could all be friends? There are so many different interests available in the world, many of which make the world a better place: healthier, kinder, more joyful. Not all of us will fit with every interest. I would be WAAAAAY out of my depth in an embroidery or quilting or crocheting group, for example, and would not be having fun… but this does not stop me from appreciating the beauty and joy that such groups bring to one another!
Some of us have to go far afield to find the kindred spirits that become our “tribes”, and some belong to several… the best kind of tribe is as you describe it, with kindness abounding, no matter which subset of them gathers.
But honestly, like Audra, I feel that I’m not really a member of either a clique or a tribe. I don’t think I can count those who read my blogs and those whose blogs I follow as a tribe, in the sense that we don’t gather in person? But at a distance, we offer what support we can.
I do have some friends that I do gather with from time to time in person, but this hardly rises to tribe level.
Tribe definitely 🙂