Victoria is having a hard time keeping my secret

I am not weight obsessed. This journey that I’ve been traveling has evolved and changed and grown so many times.. Once a upon a time, that number was what lead me. I was driven to be skinny and reach the golden digits on that scale and all would be right in the world.

It was 100% vanity, I was trying to look my best. I was not thinking at all about how I felt and what I was able to do.. I was dieting hard core, salads, and fat free and blech. And I lost the weight and then I gained it all back and the cycle began again.

Eventually I got it sort of figured out and realized that the number was just an illusion that did not really portray the true and complete picture. I focused on feeling good, having energy, getting plenty of rest and the weight loss fell in line. And the scale did not have as much influence or power over me. In fact I was able to recognize it was just one piece of data, one small part of the algebraic equation that is my good health solution.

I was sailing along nicely, a little bitty blip during the beginning of Covid, but that also worked itself out because there was nothing to do at the onset except exercise and exercise some more.. not healthy either I realized spending 4-5 hours a day doing some form of exercise.. so I expanded my horizons and found a healthy balance of activities like reading more and painting and of course grabbing as much time as possible with my new grandson born in May 2020 that brought me some joy.

After holding strong and steady for quite some time, recently the scale has begun to creep up.. and I was pretty much ignoring it.. it’s just a number right.. I don’t determine how well I’m doing by that number. I pay attention to other things, like my jeans being snug.. nope.. that didn’t do it this time (probably dried them too long).. I let it go a bit further until Victoria could no longer hide the fact that I had gained more weight than I am comfortable carrying. She kept pinching me saying wake up girl.. you are losing control.

So I find myself trying to find the right mindset again to be thoughtful in my choices. Truth be told I’m kind of sick of the whole thing. Or at least talking/thinking about it. I am not tired of feeling good, I am not tired of eating well or working out, because I choose foods that I love to eat and activities that are fun and beneficial. I am sick of the equation. How much, when, what combinations. So my bad attitude is just compounding my current situation.

This morning I feel like saying go ahead Vicky – tell the world, my panties are too tight.. I think the people in my kickboxing class may have already noticed on their own anyway so have at it..

But that is just being spiteful and the only one it is hurting is me. I must take some time, clear my head and claw my way back to my happy place where the choices flow naturally and in the right direction. So I will put on my Victoria Secret panties as a reminder of where I am currently and where I would like to once again be. And it’s really only a few steps away, but I must get moving now. It’s up to me.

11 thoughts on “Victoria is having a hard time keeping my secret

  1. I feel your pain. I have been holding my own since Sparkpeople went off the air (so to speak.) However, while my sister was off on her FL vaca for 2.5 months. I found it hard without her. I am in Montana right now for two months with my other sister. I am still logging my food and getting exercise, but my heart isn’t in it. I keep telling myself it matters, it matters, it matters! I wasn’t feeling very well though. I am doing better and still holding my own. I just want to be able to be independent in my “older” age. Susiemt

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi!! You matter! It is hard to keep focus 24/7. Sometimes it consumes us and then we push away. Give yourself some grace! Be well. Independence is a beautiful thing!

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  2. Wonderful as usual, after five months of having a broken arm and Hubby wanting me to heal properly which meant sitting still 🙂 I am eight kilos up on my usual weight. I must admit knitting has taken over the Zumba, though with the heart not ‘ticking’ so great, I do give myself the ok to rest.

    Thanks for a great read 🙂 Chris

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Chris. Sorry to hear you hurt your arm. Sitting still is quite a feat for me too! I totally feel you. It is so important that we all take the time to rest. Be well!

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  3. So true. It takes work and prioritizing. And it’s easy to let things slide for a momentary pleasure. And I’m finding myself falling into the slow creep upward on the scale. Then summer arrives and I focus on doing again for a while! Function is far more important than the number on the scale, but there is a difference in how living feels when we succeed in shedding unneeded “work” in terms of carrying pounds around all day. So… one day at a time, paying attention to decisions and how they make me feel.

    -Barb

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  4. OH, my ,,, MissTz
    Maintenance should be easier after all the concerted effort to attain that status…
    But alas the world of our body keeps changing,. Just as the world we live in keeps changing. Thus we must continually be changing how we care for our bodies. I know you will redefine what you need to do to keep your body in its happiest level of operation. May Vicky always be able to assist you in your monitoring of when changes need to occur.
    My how time flies, seems like yesterday and you were a brand new grandmother..
    Have a great summer..
    75HealthyMe aka Audra aka newstome

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  5. My Vickie’s stretch. Off-brand is not forgiving. So wonderful when they slide on. After 4-pound vacay, I need to track food until next vacay. Sally

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  6. It is always nice to read your blogs…I was a faithful Spark follower ( AND yes, I truly miss that format) My weight creep has become more noticeable or is it that I am finally emerging from denial?! Either way, I have started to focus, once again, on a variety of movement coupled with less carbs. You WILL get your head in the right place!! Take care! Eissa7

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