Someplace I never should have been

The scale is up. And while I am not one that is driven by the scale, when the scale and my body are in alignment that is when I must face the music. Music is a huge part of my daily life… often times in life I find myself deep in song lyrics; every day moments trigger a bursting forth of a melody.. Do you do that? It just happens, often without warning.. this morning it was Garth Brooks… The Thunder Rolls… specifically … and he’s headed back from somewhere that he never should have been.

Well so far up on the scale, feeling a bit sluggish, seeing a slight bulge forming around my middle.. that is someplace that I never should have been – again. My lackadaisical attitude of late is creating consequences I must now rectify before it gets way out of control. The number one goal to be is to be fit and strong. But as much as I fight it, there is still a bit of vanity attached to appearance. The only only thoughts I want to feel when I look at a picture of myself doing something I love are .. strength, beauty, joy, determination, friendship, fun, courage and confidence. Not Ugh… Look at that (fill in the blank). This picture and the angle is particularly unflattering 🎶 and the thunder rolls, and the lightening strikes… This is my Aha moment.

Currently my slow weight gain has not stopped me from doing the things I love, but I definitely feel a difference in the amount of effort needed to do some of my favorite things. I am not angry with myself or disappointed with myself, as the scale moves up and down as it will forever, however, I need to own my contribution to the fluctuations. Often times as women age we find there are other contributing factors that fight against us, no matter how much effort we put forth….

We are all very familiar with the phrase “the struggle is real”.. I spit it out often myself often times in reference to healthy lifestyle choices…

The definition of the word struggle references a forceful or violent effort to get free of restraint or restrictions..

Total transparency, my use of this term in this instance is utter nonsense. For there has not been a forceful/violent struggle taking place when I’ve made choices that negatively impact my physical condition and mental well being, rather just a willingness to be easily persuaded to not make a perhaps better choice.

Sometimes we get caught up in the comparison trap. We all agree that we should not compare ourselves to others. I’ve often heard it said that we should compare ourselves to ourselves; try to be better than we were yesterday. I’m not in love with that phrase or statement either. I want to be the best me each day based on each unique set of circumstances. If I climbed a mountain yesterday, I don’t expect or require myself to climb a bigger mountain today. Today may be a very much needed rest day.

If I have learned anything on this journey, the key to happiness and self-love is grace and self-understanding. If today isn’t the day to be your best self, try again tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. Just never stop trying.