Turning 59

I’m turning 59 on Monday. In decades past, yes I said decades, the “9” last year of the previous decade got into my head more than the “0” first year of the next.

I would find myself a few days away from the last year my 20s, 30s, 40s, feeling a bit off. I would begin reflecting, analyzing, second guessing, searching so that before I hit that “0”, I had reached all my goals or achievements I felt were applicable for the time period…. Some sort of last ditch effort versus a whole clean slate perhaps?

So exhausting…

I walked into #ckokickboxing this morning, on my last Friday of my 58th year and found myself struggling with sadness. I am not an empath by nature but every so often I can get swept up and tossed around by other people’s loss and heartache and once again for the second time in a few short months, it is all around me. I pushed the limits and with each move my body made, a little release. They say sweat is your body crying, I think they may be right.

My life has been relatively easy. I have not faced down some of the tragedies and heart break and truly devastating situations that some others have…

So this year as I approach that dreaded final countdown, I find myself reflecting and searching yet again. I briefly revisited year 39 where I was going to start playing the violin and learn Italian before my 40th birthday.. I did not do either of those things…. then, but interestingly enough, I recently began both. No I musts, just an encounter with an ex-orchestra mate at a wake reignited the passion for the music that has been stuck within me. And a second anniversary trip to Italy and free apps opened up that window to at least dabble in Italian rather easily too. So, this time my quest is not about what I haven’t accomplished yet or what I need to get done, but rather for experiences and moments that bring me pure peace and joy and fill my heart with love.

I am a child of God. I am healthy. I am loved. I have an abundance of love to give. I am strong. I am fierce. I am flawed. I am forever learning and evolving. I am kind. I am rooting for us all to find peace and joy. Achieving a feeling of complete peace with oneself and a life anchored in love and joy, my friends, is the greatest accomplishment of all.

Be Kind. Be fierce. Be joyful. Be the light! Namaste.