Being honest with yourself

I’ve lost my mojo. She says startled in her best Austin Powers voice.. So here’s the thing.. my ability to force myself to do the things is currently on a roller coaster ride.. kickboxing sign me up, hiking get outta my way, walking on the treadmill if I remember to zoom, yoga, oh man, now where did I put that mat… sigh.. A few weeks ago I mentioned that I am not disciplined when it comes to exercise and several people fought me on that.

But the truth is, that is the truth. I do not say it as an attack on myself, I am not being hard on myself. I am stepping back and looking at my habits and while I am fairly consistent, I am not disciplined. There are many definitions of the word discipline; this is the one I am referring to: “train oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way.” I have set a routine, but disciplined would mean pushing through no matter what, and I do not always do that. But that is ok. It doesn’t speak to my character or imply a lack of character. It does not make me a bad person, nor does it make me a good person.

My food choices have been suspect for a while now too. For me it tends to go hand in hand. Workouts generate the desire for healthy food which equals fuel and more energy. Lethargy, causes less than stellar sustenance which equals more sitting.

So do I need to mention that my weight is up out of my comfort zone and it is time to switch my mindset from maintain to lose? Well I’ve been thinking that ever since I faced reality last month. And yet I have gained/lost the same 2 lbs every week. And the world didn’t end. And I am not disappointed or upset with myself. I know the effort I put forth and I am exactly where I put myself. And from where I sit, stand, kickbox or hike… the view is still quite lovely.

I sometimes feel like we have gotten so lost in saying/doing the right thing, that we forgot how important honesty is; with others and ourselves. I miss being able to have a conversation, sharing truths and not having it mean more than it actually means.

I am all about building each other up, and sharing a kind word. I also believe it is very important to be able to “sit with” someone. We don’t always want to hear you can do it, sometimes we just want to know wherever we are right now, the person you are sharing with understands all you need is an “I get it”. And that can be in the form of a simple nudge and nod. You don’t always have to use your words.. or at least with me you don’t.

Anyway, I joined the 100 days 2 summer challenge with #cko. It starts on Monday. I’m not a great challenge participant in the sense I am not motivated to compete with or be better than anyone, but I’m thinking perhaps it is time to shake things up a bit. Something slightly different than what I am used to may be just what I need to find my way back to my own desires and good habits.